;). And then he needs to communicate that to his wife in a way that proves he understands its not his place to restrict her behaviour based on his irrational fears. Telling your partner that you really need to focus on work for three days should not be a big deal (barring really big exacerbating circumstancesI need to focus on work, so Im skipping your mothers funeral, have fun! would be much more fraught, of course). But I do agree that its extremely possible the OPs husband is, consciously or unconsciously, skewing the results in his favor. Hes worried the worst would happen: I cheat, someone spikes my drink, someone kidnaps me He says he has asked other people about the situation and everyone objects that they would even let their significant other go. Just recently I have found out I will be sent out again. I dont think hed bring up that the majority of people he asked thought he was wrong. I called home from a pay phone on the street around 10pm UK time and she freaked out because I was outside, at night, with nobody around who knew me! ? and his friends being like yeah man, Vegas is a scummy place for scummy people. If he gets therapy and can get his anxiety and toxic masculinity under control, that would be one thing. Ah, but you have a job, and Im guessing are presumably a more equal breadwinner in your household. You are not required to live it with someone who makes you miserable and is not willing to work on the problem. Its just such a common conference/trade show city! My husband doesn't want to go because of the 14 hour car ride. Im not superstitious, so I was aware that it was completely bogus that my fears concentrated on that fact, but they nonetheless did. We had dinner at night and then literally went to sleep the moment we returned from dinner. I definitely recommend Captain Awkward too for assistancence (she, Allison, and Doctor Nerdlove need to be together one day). Plus, if youre on the strip, you dont ever really have go on the streets. You can pretty much get from one end of the strip to the other cutting through casinos and over skywalks. (That started as a joke but I think I might actually be onto something, re: familiar vs unfamiliar crimes and the perceived danger of each.). On the flip side however, I do know some couples who havent spent a night apart in 20+ years. Vegas is changing a lot of its marketing these days to bill itself more as a family destination and/or more sophisticated and all that. Sometimes, well even travel to the same city together, but then spit up and hang out with two completely separate groups of friends. same. Whats wrong with disembark? And he needs to understand that his fears are his to manage, no matter where they are coming from. So in addition to all his other faults, you then learned that he had asshole friends. And he, I think, talked that out with a therapist eventually. But theres no need to snark at me for making/agreeing with a suggestion. But refusing to participate in the arguments and the anxiety spirals by hanging up and walking out saved my relationship with both my parents in the long-term. Now that we have been together longer, he has settled down and has learned to trust me. There are so many things that could be gong on here. Honestly the greatest threat to LWs safety is probably lung cancer from second-hand smoke in the casinos. And have been wanting to take the Grand Canyon tour. Companies dont plan things in Vegas to put their employees at risk. My own brain is like that. I did a big expo in Ocean City during the Spring everything was still closed, I spent a good chunk of it setting stuff up, taking stuff down, and generally stuck in a hotel and the only fun I had was going to a few restaurants and walking on the beach for half an hour. Would he partake in an support of psychological therapy and consoling? Yeah you can get into some crazy stuff there for sure, but lots of people bring their small children to Vegas for vacation too (which bugs me somewhat but hey whatever). Note to the Las Vegas Convention and Visitors Bureau. I went two hours to the next town over for a Christmas party, and he spent days before hand stressing about everything that could go wrong on the highway. Couples counseling has given us a neutral forum to figure out how to face it together, to help me express how his behavior effects me and our family, and for me to learn how to support him. Or hes over-reporting the level of agreement he got? Mind you, I never told them that they shouldnt go (did tell my wife at the WTF? Also made me think about the impact TV can have on our beliefs about the world. When people ask me why, I reply that I dont drink, gamble, or enjoy naked women, so theres little to attract me there aside from some pretty good food, which I can get anywhere. Him: Something something shes just got cold feet about the upcoming wedding. Hopefully the comment section will help the OP see what is going on here. Agreed. Thank you for sharing your story withus this iswhat weve come upwith: How would you react ifyou were inMayas shoes? She is doing the heavy lifting in supporting the family and yet he wants to control and damage her control. Whats more surprising is that youre the main provider. He was already in counselling and they focused on this issue for a while. this makes me IRATE. I see where youre coming from, Detective, but I think the additions of spiked drinks and kidnappings shift it for me a little bit toward anxiety. Is something going on in your relationship that he feels like youre growing more emotionally apart, and physical distance will make him feel more alone? She should get out while she can, even if she has children. My boyfriend used to freak out every time I had to travel for work. What happens in Vegas was a successful ad campaign that ran its course a long time ago, not a requirement for how to treat the trip. Theres a section in the book Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You, by Susan Forward and Donna Frazier, that deals with a spouse like the OPs someone trying to manipulate their spouse away from going on an important business trip. The conference hall manager looked at my colleaguewho requested a kosher meallike they were crazy. Whoever heard of such a thing, going to Sin City for work! The best way to stay up-to-date would be to regularly check the Official Disney Parks Blog . Remember, what happens in Vegas stays on YouTube forever. Hes not thinking logically already, so adding logic isnt going to change his mind. Did you see the memo that was going around from Travis Kalanik of Uber (shortly before he was forced out)? Also have casinos on boats. I speak as someone whose husband is both a counselor and anxiety-sufferer. The Sigma Derby game in the MGM Grand is a lot of fun. He wasnt healthy for me. Same with mine. *offers you an internet hug*. First, therapy is good, but medication is faster. My professional association alternates years between Vegas and Disney for its annual conference because those two places are both great for massive groups of people at a reasonable price. I know that many conferences are held there, and wouldnt bat an eye at my fiancee going there without me. It reminds me of what my parents always said to stop me doing things. Did he not get the memo thats not how dating works. My ex boyfriend is telling lies about me to my family, especially to my Other than that, we gambled, we ate a lot, we walked a lot, saw a lot of family-oriented and kid-oriented activities swam in the hotels outdoor pool. husband doesn t want to go on family vacationlifetime guest pass policy. So when my sister and her then-boyfriend said they were taking a trip there, my first thought was that they shouldnt go because tourists are always killed horribly in Vegas (or are sometimes raped or kidnapped). Right now hes in Alaska shooting a documentary. Do the counseling (alone or with him.) Maybe this is anxiety and maybe it isnt not every illogical or inappropriate behavior is mental illness but mental illness is never an excuse to be controlling or abusive. Either way, its important for both ofyou tocommunicate about such animportant issue sothat things dont escalate further than necessary. This is a case where you cannot cater to his anxiety or insecurity. Just Saying. Oh, and I think I gambled about $20 on nickel slots. Once when I ended things with a guy Id been dating, he called me a few days later and said hed taken a poll of his friends and they all agreed I didnt have real cause to break up with him so we should resume things. You are married to someone who spent three days while you were traveling for work burdening you withgroundless questions about your conduct. Her husband is a lovely person in general, but comes from a family that cares very much about keeping up appearances. He mad at my company and questions the motives. Its possible that thats part of it given the cheating aspect, but the worried the worst would happen is a very, very common anxiety symptom called catastrophizing. He is unable to let go of these thoughts on his own, they are interfering with his and his spouses quality of life, so he needs some help. Its just a normal American city that happens to have the nations most vast square footage of conference hall space and some of its cheapest business-class hotels. Meanwhile, Im building a scene in my head where shes been kidnapped and terrible things are happening to her. I agree. Surely you jest! Marriage counseling is the only way you save this. Im trying not to bring up the topic for awhile till he meets with a counselor individually or together. It doesnt sound as though shes given him any reason to be so insecure. My company had an annual meeting in Vegas a few years ago, that I wasnt important enough to attend, and I was crazy jealous. Im so sorry, Emma. My knee-jerk reaction was to say, you dont dictate where I go, I was just out for a walk, for Chrissakes. Youre not choosing your career over your marriage when you take three days to sit in a conference hall, for chrissake. Hyperbole and feigned hysteria are not the same thing. And, this IS an us issue: his insecurities are damaging the relationship. Nope. It was, instead, his own insecurity and abusive tendencies. We of course send the Im here texts and goodnight and such. You obviously know this, and you know that your husband is being unreasonable, but your framing Do I do this to save my marriage? worries me, because it signals that you are in some sense accustomed to, or willing to seriously consider, accommodating your husbands irrational demands instead of advocating for your own needs. Usluge graevinskih radova niskogradnje. But Id want OP to figure out a little more what this behavior of his is really about, and make sure its not his way of trying to control her / torpedo her career, before Id recommend she let him supervise her work trip. Dont even consider that risking your job is a reasonable option here your job isnt the problem. I did a few Vegas-y things, but mostly I found really interesting things to do while not working. Remember the man who wanted his female co-worker to dress like a Little House on the Prairie extra? (Im also not sure you can un-yoke controlling from its pejorative overtones, given that most of us have plenty of things wed require partners not do and we dont call ourselves controllingits always something somebody else does.). There is no one in his family who lives near us. The same counselors that would demand that the woman submit would also tell the husband to man up and provide for his wife. Yes some people are probably going to jump all over me but let's be realistic here. Fun for a night or two a year, too much otherwise. BTW, I hate the what happens in Vegas slogan and commercials as someone who did have a relationship end because of my partners infidelity, its not something that I find funny or amusing, and I cant imagine Im alone in that. OMG! There are opportunities everywhere for illicit behavior, even at home. Last time you went on a business trip, you spent the entire time dealing with his feelings about it instead of focusing of what you were actually there to do. Spouses dont LET. But itseems like they want totake things slowly. My feeling is that hes coming up with post-facto, emotionally triggering justifications for something that has absolutely no basis in any rational apprehension of reality. I just saw the news about the mass shooting in Vegas. And its going to be a problem in your relationship whether you go on the trip or not. Nail on head, right here. Display any widget here. hahaha, further confirmation of your choice. Heck, immediately post break-up I think its normal for friends to say Yeah, you were right, and they were in the wrong, and youre a heck of a catch and I bet theyre really sorry. Regardless of their private feelings about the truth of those things. Counseling is the best and most realistic option for helping him get into a healthy head space. couch their controlling tendencies as worry and concern, because they know their victims will want to soothe and appease them, because they are just super nice worry-wart spouses who just really, truly, are so *concerned*. He doesnt completely get it and I know hed rather I not go, but he definitely doesnt tell me I cant. Yeah, it might not be the safest if youre wandering around at night by yourself (just like anywhere, really), but aside from being irritated by the smoke in the casino areas, I had no issues whatsoever. That doesnt strike me as weird at all. Studies show that men who are outearned by their wives and cannot cover the households bills with their own income generally act out more about their successful wives. However, she expresses that love with some convoluted discussion about the risk of driving a car 8 miles from our home to downtown. Yes, this. Marriage counseling is good for me so I know how to commute to her and not roll my eyes and whisper not this again when she does go off the on a tangent. When my spouse was almost sent overseas on a long term work trip, I actually offered to go with him (and pay my own way) not because I was worried hed get up to something without being supervised, but because I travel frequently for work and he almost never does, so it seemed like the easiest way for me to just take care of stuff so that he wasnt stranded in a foreign airport without knowing what to do or how to make a phone call. Its a constant negotiation and balancing act. My spouse also has some anxiety issues, and will develop obsessive worries about certain irrational things. Life is short. Plan and reminisce together to create shared anticipation beforehand and shared . Vegas and Orlando are excellent places for corporate retreats because theyre relatively cheap to fly to and theyre set up for this kind of thing. arent at all limited to Vegas. And in small towns all over America people are being shot in churches, schools, shopping malls etc. Two birds one stone! That is the hallmark of a controlling person. <3. Exactly this. I do know some people (who have never been to Vegas!) Im just going to share my experience if it doesnt fit, let it roll off your back. If I died while on travel, hed get an insurance payout and be able to live without working for X months; then he could remarry or move or whatnot. How Do I Say No to a Vacation With My Parents? - The Cut even though this event is in Las Vegas, XCorp still expects its employees to hold themselves to our high standard of professionalism, My team goes to DC every year for a conference and I always tell them something like, The conference schedule is packed and unfortunately were not going to have any time for sightseeing or tourism. I dont understand giving up agency as an adult just because I got married. This. That may be an overreaction, but something clearly isnt working between you two, and he sounds emotionally abusive. You have to go because if you refuse, that will absolutely jeopardize your standing in the company. Or his response could give her more information about what is really on her husbands mind. Spiking drinks, assault, kidnapping happen in tiny places as well as large places. ), I also watched CSI for a lot of years, and on one of my trips to Vegas I stayed off-strip in a cheap hotel because I was trying to save money. husband doesn t want to go on family vacation Honestly, things could happen anywhere, so his questioning that the trip is in Vegas sounds like a cover. There are also lots of cool little museums as well. If you find that it seems like your husband is starting to use the counselors words against you to get you to do what he wants, then leave counseling. I dont think people are misreading; I think that the phrasing is confusing but that context indicates its meaning. LOL! Business trips are a normal fact of life in many jobs. My husband would answer that question with Only if its inside. Do NOT potentially sabotage your career over this, especially if you are the main breadwinner. Ive only been to Vegas twice. I was /thisclose/ to emigrating to another continent at one point, tbh. If youre not and this is out of the blue, it really sounds like his anxiety is getting the best of him (especially with the note about kidnapping), and he might need more individual help. Sometimes, friends are there after husbands are gone. I know that, but if I was in construction, or teaching, or something like that, maybe I wouldnt. I would have not reacted well to this if I were the best friend. This may be the one city where you are on camera every second. Its the inappropriate (in typical American business culture) reaction of the husband thats the issue here, not whether its legitimate to try and get out of business trips sometimes.
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